Motherly Love

Perhaps by writing this, I am hoping to relieve some guilt. I am guilty of doing what every mother of a teenage child has at one time done and felt entirely guilty, yet relieved in some way for. I covered for my daughter (from her dad) as she went on a road trip with her friend to Oklahoma to visit her grandmother. Don't get all upset until you read further.. I didn't lie and tell him she was going somewhere else or anything... please read on....

My daughter is nearly 18 and has, by all senses of the word led a very sheltered life. I am being totally honest when I say that my child never spent the night with anyone who wasn't family until this year and hasn't even complained. Not that I am in denial about the reality of teenagers and the things so many choose to do, but I honestly know my daughter and when and where she goes, who she sees and what she does, not in a nosey overpowering way, but in a concerned for her well being and wanting the best for her way. I make that my biggest priority in life. Her dad and I have had more than one dispute over letting loose of the proverbial heart strings and allowing her to become independent and make her own decisions while, hoping that our careful guidance will bring her to make the responsible decision, nonetheless, I am realistic in knowing that at some point she must experience some of life's woes.

I, on the other hand, tend to have always been the type to throw caution to the wind and live by the philosophy of "You can never be old and wise if you were never young and dumb". My husband, quite the opposite, lived the most sheltered life of anyone I know.. seriously they lived for funerals and weddings, events in which they could see other humans besides their family who lived so far in the country it made you think of Deliverance. I suppose after 21 years of marriage, the fact that opposites attract is definately true. He is, by far, my strict than me, but we do not keep things from one another and most always consult each other regarding permission with respect to my daughters outings and he always has the ultimate say.. until this one incident.

To me, a road trip was something that I always wanted to do as a teenager and the only time I ever got to do it was a time I went to Texas with a friend and lied to my mom. I did not want this type of relationship with my daughter, so honesty has always been our policy and I knew it was just her and her friend, not a group and I consider her friend also very responsible.

When she asked to go, I was excited for the opportunity for her to get to go somewhere, as her dad would be completely happy to live out his life and never venture more than five hours from our home (and only then to visit his favorite uncle in St. Louis). For her, I want her to see the things I was never able to do and always wished I had and also enjoy her teen years before she has college, a job and a family to contend with. Is this so wrong of me?

When I told her it was okay for her to go if her dad didn't care, I did honestly think her friend's mother would accompany them on their six hour journey. It wasn't until her hopes were up that I realized her friend's mother wouldn't be going. I was sick and riddled with guilt about what to do, I stayed up at night and battled my conscience and decided to go ahead and let her go.... not telling her dad that the arrangements had changed. I am not in anyway advocating lying to your spouse or deceiving them, because that is not the kind of person I am, but I did think it was an experience she would enjoy and who could deny someone visiting their grandmother?

The night of their departure I nearly threw up just thinking about the trip. The girls left around 9 pm and were driving when the temperature was cooler and traffic was less congested.. I mean it wasn't like it was New York, like my friend's daughter did with no supervision... so I let her go, regrettable I must admit, but it was a baby step into the things that are yet to come in her life.

I texted her, called and stayed up until nearly 3 a.m. when she assured me they had arrived safely. For some reason when your child is not within your reach it is like a piece of you is missing and you don't actually breathe right until they are home safely and it doesn't matter if they are in diapers or holey shorts they love so much, they are still ours to worry about.

The trip went very well, and I am sure the grandmother was so happy to have them visit. The girls rode jet ski's, swimmed and shopped, but more importantly it made them realize that we trusted them and they bypassed my expectations of what was expected of them.

As promised, they were home when they were supposed to be... but within an hour of her getting home, her dad asked me..... Did her friends mom go with them? And you guessed it.. I told the truth and now that is off my chest. I feel relief, although he isn't exactly happy with me, I saved him staying up all night with me and worrying.

As parents, God has entrusted the lives of such precious things, and as a mother, I intend to do the best I can, even if, at times I have to battle my conscience to do what I believe will benefit her most.